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Some things annoy me to no end. Lots of things actually J. But one of the top-ranking things on those list is the ongoing notion many people seem to have that in Windows, clicking “Start” to shut down your computer, is one of the stupidest things since peeing on electrified fence (which is, admittedly, pretty stupid).

Just now, I was reading an amusing rant about the poor state of graphical user interfaces, when I came across this little gem of sit-down comedy:

Situations like these make me feel sorry for the spacebar. So big and strong… He totally rules over the other keys, and yet all he produces is… nothingness. I hope I never find myself in the situation of having to explain to aliens what the LARGEST KEY ON THE KEYBOARD does. »Well… this key? Right over here? Ah, the chubby one! It.. spaces… kind of… leaps.. a tiny bit. In the text… <demonstrates> See…? Nothingness! Hey, I know how this must sound… Hey! Wait!! No!! Come back!! But we just met!! COME BACK!!«
That’s alright, they would probably have left anyway as soon as they saw me clicking »Start« in order to shut the computer down.

And this is not the only time the world has been exposed to this unimaginable sense of funny. How many times have I not encountered a joke like this: “Typical Microsoft logic: clicking Start to shut down”.

OMIGOD MICROSOFT ARE SUCH IDIOTS I DON’T WANT TO START I WANT TO STOP OMG LOLOL!!1one

Oh come on people. First of all it’s not funny, and second of all — if you want to be serious — it’s not even valid criticism!

Disregard for a moment that the button is labeled “Start”. This is just The Menu. The only one at that. You click on The Menu if you want to perform a task, such as execute an application. After that, The Menu just needs a name. Preferably an evocative one, so that it turns into a easily recognizable concept with the users.

Start Menu is just right for that:

• It does not have pre-existing connotations;
• It’s short and easily remembered;
• It’s kind of appropriate too. If you want to perform a task, you start by clicking this menu. Yes, that means, even when you want to shut down your computer, you start by clicking “Start”.

Why not call it something else, like “Application Menu”? Well, that doesn’t quite fit. For one thing, the Start Menu contains more than just applications. And besides that, “Application Menu” just sounds dull and uninspired.

So “Start Menu” it is. I challenge you to come up with a better name.

And if all else fails… you can’t really be calling for something like this:

Err… can you?